an encompassing of souls
by shushufangirl
Summary: it's prom night and Shinji has a problem....
1. an encompassing of souls

Characters are not mine appreciate comments though   
::-thoughts   
  
  
An Encompassing of Souls   
  
Shinji Ikari stared at the poster before him. The big ostentatious red letters proclaiming the up coming prom. An invitation, a warning, an omen.   
  
"What is that?" Asuka asked as she peered over his shoulder. "Oh wow! A prom! Great I'll be able to wear my new..." she was cut off by the multiple pleas of adolescent boys crowding around her, pushing each other, wanting to be the first to ask her. But her eyes wandered to the lone figure standing transfixed in front of the said poster. Secretly she had wanted him to ask her.   
  
His thoughts, however were not on the said event, somehow the thought of spending the night alone in his room listening to his music seemed more appealing to him. He sighed as he thanked all of the gods that he had ever heard of, that it wasn't required. His eyes caught a movement beside him.   
  
"Hey Ayanami!" he called. She stopped in mid-stride and looked at him, her dead face illuminated by the setting sun. "Are you going?"   
  
She looked at the poster for a moment before turning to leave. "If I am told to."   
  
He watched her back as she made her way down the corridor. She paused and looked back at him. Shinji's face suddenly flushed at being caught staring and called to Asuka.   
  
They walked in silence, the deserted street seemed like it was made only for them.   
  
"So Shinji, are you taking wonder girl to the prom?" Asuka sneered. Both blushed at the same time and looked in two opposite directions simultaneously, something that made the redhead even more irritated.   
  
"I'm not going." Shinji whimpered.   
  
"And you?" she asked turning to Rei.   
  
"There is no need for me to be there."   
  
"You two are hopeless!" she huffed. She hastened her pace leaving them behind.   
  
***   
  
"WHAT?!" Shinji's jaw dropped in disbelief as Asuka roared in laughter.   
  
"You heard me, I think this will be a good chance for you three to get to know the other kids." Misato crossed her arms in font of her and gave Shinji a that's-an-order look.   
  
"Looks like the idiot and wonder girl are going to the prom!" Asuka taunted in her singsong voice. "Who knows may be you can be wonder girl's date! I know you would like that you pervert!" she stuck her tongue at him.   
  
"That reminds me, it might be a good idea if you did become Rei's date." Misato said pointing a finger at him and ignoring Asuka's choking noises. "She's not all that social." She added in a whisper.   
  
He looked at Rei looking for a nod of approval or some sort and all he got was her unreadable look. He sighed there was no getting out of this now.   
  
***   
  
School was over for the day and Asuka was still surrounded by her hopeful dates so he decided to take a breather and went outside. He was walking around the basketball courts kicking the small rocks. He looked up at the sky and a faint glimmer of blue caught his eye.   
  
"What are you doing here alone?" he asked as he leaned on the railing she was sitting on. She didn't answer him and continued with her silent observation of the world below. "So I guess we're dates for the prom."   
  
"I have read up on this 'prom' and it seems that there is supposed to be dancing." She said quietly.   
  
"I haven't really thought of that."   
  
"There may be a slight problem." He looked at her. "I have never danced before." She said a faint blush rising to her cheeks.   
  
"I'm not really a expert dancer but I know a couple of things. I guess we can manage on that."   
  
"Would you teach me?" she asked her voice shy. He looked at her in disbelief.   
  
"O...ok."   
  
She got down from the railing and stood in front of him. He reached for her hand, unsure. And she let her hand be taken, he took that as a sign of encouragement. He placed his hand on her hip and looked at her stunned face sheepishly.   
  
She just stood there rigid as a rock.   
  
::Oi this is gonna be a problem.::   
  
He smiled and took her hand and placed it on his shoulder. He began with a slow waltz, himself unsure.   
  
At first their stiffness made their movements comical and Shinji thanked all of his lucky stars Asuka wasn't there.   
  
"Ok Rei, its like this..." she stiffened at his words. He looked at her and bit his lower lip, realization of her reaction finally struck; it was the first time he had ever called her that.   
  
::The first time he...::   
  
::...I had ever called her that. ::   
  
"Uhm er, Ayanami, sorry about that. You move your feet like this..." he began to teach her the basics.   
  
Shinji looked at Rei's face, her brow furrowed in concentration. The dying sun casting orange shadows across her mask. And as he contemplated the play of light, one thing came to mind.   
  
::Beautiful. ::   
  
She looked up at him and he blushed once more.   
  
"Aa, Ayanami. Dancing is not combat training. Don't think just let go." Shinji muttered trying hard not to sound stupid. At her confused look he stepped away from her for a moment. "You see, I heard once somewhere, that dancing is like speaking that what you cannot say to the other person. It's like an intimate embrace that encompasses souls. It is the movements created for the music composed of heartbeats, of breaths and dreams. Do you understand?" He asked blushing at his talkativeness.   
  
She nodded.   
  
"I'm sorry that must have sounded stupid right?"   
  
She just looked at him.   
  
"Would you like to try?" he asked.   
  
She nodded.   
  
He took her into his arms once more, relishing this newfound feeling that was fluttering around his stomach. He looked up at the orange sky and tried hard not to be distracted by her closeness lest she should catch him once more.   
  
Rei Ayanami was a puzzle to him, an enigma whose secret he could not guess. And yet there was a familiarity in her mystery. And this drew him to her.   
  
It took him a while before he noticed that they were actually dancing to something. He drew his face to hers as he discovered the source of the soft melody. She had her eyes closed her face upturned to his. And in a voice so low that not even Shinji could fully hear, she was humming a song. He could not make out what the song was but hearing her silent voice was enough. And as they glided across the roof deck, lost in their own little melody, Shinji found himself entranced by her quiet melody. Her eyes softly closed, her mouth partly opened and her hair almost brushing his face.   
  
::What is your secret Rei Ayanami? ::   
  
"Whoohoo! Wouldya look at that?!" Touji whistled.   
  
They broke apart, their faces displaying their own sunsets.   
  
"I knew he had something for Ayanami!" Touji continued slapping the back of Kensuke. (or whatever his name was, that guy with the glasses, I forgot his name)   
  
"Well Ikari, I must admit. It was about time!" Kensuke smiled.   
  
"SHHHINNNJJJJIII!" Asuka came storming toward him. Rei had begun to walk toward the stairs and she their paths crossed. She stopped to look at the blue haired girl, barring her way.   
  
"Excuse me." she said softly, her face stoic as ever. She sidestepped the angry girl and the two boys at the entrance made way for her, smiling a peculiar smile.   
  
"What?" Shinji asked lifting his hands in self-defense. He stopped seeing a leather bag leaning on the railing.   
  
"Ayanami wait!" he called fetching the bag and running after her ignoring Asuka's death glare.   
  
"That is it! Aaargh! Kensuke you are taking me to the prom!"   
  
"Alright! Who the man? Who the man?" he proclaimed smugly doing a little dance.   
  
"Man Kensuke you had better learn better moves than dat!" Touji just his shook his head. Asuka looked on in disgust. ::He'd better! ::   
  
***   
  
Sync tests were over with and Shinji and Asuka had already left hours ago. Rei sat alone on the landing beside her Eva. Dangling her feet over the ledge. Lost in her own oblivion.   
  
A whirring sound and she found herself surrounded in darkness. They had turned the lights off. They had forgotten she was there. ::How appropriate. ::   
  
She pulled her knees beneath her and rested her chin on them.   
  
::Ikari held me today. No one has ever done that to me before. He taught me the... encompassing of souls. Was that what he called it?::   
  
::Do I have a soul ::   
  
::Ikari he...he...made me feel like I really had one. :: And slowly, faintly a smile crept onto her lips.   
  
She stood up, placing her hands as Shinji did that afternoon. And seeing in her mind's eye his face and his sad smile.   
  
::His smile has always seemed sad.::   
  
She began her faint melody and began to move her body in the way he made her move. And thankful for the darkness that swallowed her, Rei Ayanami began to dance.   
  
A pair of eyes looked down upon her. He had been watching her transfixed for the past ten minutes. And inside a memory stirred. And in his hard eyes a softness came and a sadness could not be mistaken.   
  
She stopped, facing him.   
  
"Commander." She said betraying no feelings what so ever.   
  
He held out his hand to her.   
  
***   
  
"I could've sworn I left it here." She whispered walking from the changing room. She stepped beside Shinji "I'm sorry Shinji I thought..." he was not listening to her. She followed his eyes from the glass window and fell upon two figures on the landing before them. They were dancing.   
  
"Who in their right mind would...oh my god is that Ayanami and Commander Ikari?" she asked not trying to suppress her laughter. "Well, well, well looks like you were practice Shinji-kun! You got dumped for daddy! Hahaha! That's really gross! He's old enough to be her father!" she looked at him. His sad look hurt her more. "How pathetic! Shinji you idiot!" she giggled, masking her pain, leaving him there.   
  
::Idiot. ::   
  
He walked away from the glass window.   
  
::Why not it made sense? The way he looks at her. The way she looks at him.::   
  
He took one last look at her.   
  
::Why does it have to hurt so bad? ::   
  
***   
  
He paused, she was humming her song. How long has it been since he heard that song?   
  
::This girl? Could she be? Could she be you? ::   
  
He looked at her for a moment, lost in her own little song.   
  
::Have I found you at last? ::   
  
Her movements seemed fluid. She did not see the smoldering need in the older man's eyes, so caught up was she in the rapture of being one soul. Then she stopped.   
  
::Did the music stop :: Gendo asked fearfully.   
  
He could feel his world go to pieces. She was not her. That old song, a last remnant of a world not her own. Rei was Rei, Yui was gone.   
  
She withdrew her hand from his and walked away.   
  
::He is not Ikari, he is not Shinji.::   
  
She said and another faint smile rose to her lips. His soul did not smell of afternoons and setting suns.   
  
***   
  
"Hey what are you gonna wear?"   
  
"Oooh I like that!"   
  
"She's wearing the exact same dress!"   
  
"No way!"   
  
"Hey Ikari's taking Ayanami."   
  
"Lucky dog!"   
  
"Kensuke' s taking Asuka!"   
  
"Damn! Wet dream heaven!"   
  
"Eeew! Perverts!"   
  
Everyone was bubbling about the prom that coming Saturday. Shinji looked up from his desk to Rei at the back of the class. She looked up at him and he looked away. He remembered what happened three days ago.   
  
"I guess you wouldn't want to go the prom with me then."   
  
She looked at him puzzled.   
  
"Do you not wish to go with me?"   
  
Shinji just looked at her. ::I am not a damn substitute!::   
  
"Ayanami, let's just face it. You aren't gonna come to the prom with me." he said exasperatedly and just walked away.   
  
She looked at him look away. She still did not know why he did not want to take her to the prom. He was told to go with her. She was told to go with him... She wanted to go with him.   
  
***   
  
That night when she was left alone in her dorm she stared at the ceiling above her bed.   
  
::Even you? ::   
  
She sighed sadly.   
  
::Even you who made me feel like I was real. ::   
  
She closed her eyes and pretended to see nothing, pretended not to feel the pain welling up inside her. Pretended not to know what it felt like to feel tears stain your cheeks.   
  
::Even you? ::   
  
***   
  
Since then they had been avoiding each other. Not that anyone noticed. Ayanami was a ghost to them and Shinji well he was just non-existent.   
  
Tomorrow he would go to the prom alone.   
  
::Shit. ::   
  
***   
  
The music throbbed and Shinji sat at one of the tables pretending to be one of the chairs.   
  
::That's what you get for choosing wonder girl over me!:: Asuka snickered from across the room. Even Kensuke's embarrassing little jig could not ruin her night of triumph.   
  
::I'm gonna make you suffer before I accept your apology idiot. And apologize you will! ::   
  
A slow song began to play and couples began crowding the dance floor. Kensuke looked at Asuka with a mad gleam in his eyes.   
  
::Yeah right! I guess Shinji has suffered enough.:: She said edging away from Kensuke and looking at Shinji's direction.   
  
***   
  
Shinji's head suddenly jerked up.   
  
::It was her song, the one she was humming.::   
  
Then he let it fall once more. What was the use?   
  
Idiot fight for her.   
  
::I can't not against him I can't. ::   
  
::So you would let her slip away? ::   
  
::He buried his face in his hands. ::   
  
::She didn't even come. :: He continued his internal dialogue.   
  
::Idiot. ::   
  
::Idiot. ::   
  
::Idiot::   
  
He remembered that afternoon on the roof. When she hummed this song and he held her. Their souls holding each other until one could not distinguish one from the other. And he smiled.   
  
When did he felt as complete as he did that afternoon with the sun dying on her face?   
  
His mind was made up. He got up and left the gym.   
  
***   
  
Asuka stared after him. Her hand still poised above where his shoulder should have been.   
  
***   
  
He knocked on her door.   
  
No answer.   
  
He knocked once more.   
  
Still no answer.   
  
He opened the door slowly.   
  
"Ayanami?" he peered inside. She was sitting on her bed in the darkness facing the doorway.   
  
"Ayanami?" she was in her prom dress. A blue see-through dress, the lace linings accentuating her slim neck and wrists. And making her appear paler than she already was.   
  
"You are ready!"   
  
She blushed. He walked towards her forgetting to remove his shoes.   
  
"Why did you not go to the prom?"   
  
"You did not take me."   
  
"I am sorry were you waiting for me?"   
  
"I was. I've always had." She blushed.   
  
He closed the distance between them. Unsure of whether he should take her into his arms. She looked up at him. He reached out his hand to her.   
  
"Would you like to dance?"   
  
She smiled.   
  
end   
  
don't give me that Rei is Shinji's mother crap! One word comes to mind. PERFECT!!!! by the way it was that pic where the two of them were dressed formally there that inspired this fic, have you seen it? Its real nice   
  
I actually made a sequel to this. I'll post it when its good enough to be posted. 


	2. Patches of white

Some assumptions:

This is a sequel to An encompassing of souls.

Prom was in December, yeah I know its supposed to be in February but I wanted the sequel to happen around Christmas so let me get away with it huh?

I'm not sure if it snowed in Tokyo 3 either, and I am not sure of how snow actually works seeing as I have only experienced it once, lets just say it started snowing when I said it started snowing ok.

Rei lived in a different building from Shinji I am not sure about the truth of this in the series so I am putting it down as an assumption.

This is dedicated to the two guys that suggested I make a sequel when it hadn't crossed my mind to. Lord Dennisu and Gerald Vinson Cuison thanks guys.

And to julian for sticking up for me in the reviews page. 

Patches of White 

He looked at his watch, it was almost eleven. They had been dancing for almost two hours now. He has been holding her for almost two hours now.

He looks down at her, her cheek resting on his chest as she hums a song into it. Her hand rests inches from her nose, feeling his skin beneath the suit. Her arm is around his waist, bordering where she was and where he started. It was strange. It was wonderful.

"You must be tired." He whispered startled at how his voice sounded. 

She looked up at him, her crimson eyes blank. But not to him. He sees the plea, the plea not to let her go just yet, the fear, the fear that told him she had never felt this way before, the smile, the smile that said she was right where she wanted. And he sighed and kissed those eyes that mirrored his.

He led her to the bed and motioned for her to sit down. She did and tried her best not to look at him staring at her hands resting on her lap, memorizing them in the awkward silence.

Shinji smiled, he too was unsure. And he too did not know what to do. He just wanted to have her in his arms again so badly. 

"Rei..." he started reaching his arm out to her. She looked up at him. "I..." he didn't know what to say.

__

Oh the hell with it, be a man Ikari!

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and slowly pulled her toward him, gently so that she could pull away anytime. But she didn't. And as she was put securely inside his embrace, Rei Ayanami rested her head once more on Shinji's steady rhythm and tentatively wrapped her arms around his waist. 

Shinji Ikari closed his eyes and stopped the moment. The moonlight streaming through the barred window, the iron bed protesting, the dingy room closing in around them and the smell of her hair. This was where he wanted to be. 

***

"So where'd ya disappear to?" Touji asked the Monday after prom.

"Nowhere." He answered sitting on his desk and looking out of the window. He watched as Rei enter the gate alone and smiled.

He looked at her at the end of the room, lunch period had began and people were bringing out their lunches. She was reading a book. 

He stood up and sat down on the desk beside Rei. 

"I have enough for both." He smiled opening his bento.

"Thank you but I am not hungry." She said in her monotone not even looking up. 

He sighed and looked out of the window. "It's a great day, wanna go take a walk?" he asked. He saw her reflection turn and look at the blue sky. He stopped, her face was beside his own, her beautiful blue hair blending with the perfect sky outside, her eyes outlined and her skin matching the translucence of the glass that protected them from the outside. He stopped. 

She was beautiful and he looked at his own gaunt face, drawn and tired and sad. He was so ugly compared to her. He was not blind he saw the way the other boys looked at her, and the way they talked about her in the lockers...Rei was painfully beautiful and he now he knew why. Why would she want to be with him when she could have anyone that she wanted? Why would she choose him when he had nothing to offer her? Why would she waste her time on him, she was beautiful he wasn't. He was boring, he was an idiot, he was...

And suddenly she stood up.

***

They walked around the school in silence, watched the basketball games in the courts for a while, passed by the glee club practicing, tried to dodge the hungry mob at the cafeteria and found themselves in the woods beside the school. This was where the couples went to make out.

Shinji looked at Rei then looked away he was just about to ask her if she wanted to go back when she began walking again. The sunlight filtered through the trees, covering them with mosaics of little patches of light. He smiled, this was nice, she was nice, being with her is nice.

"This is nice." He said out loud.

"Hmm?" she asked turning to him.

"Aaaah the air here is." He smiled sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

"What else do you like?" she asked cocking her head to one side.

"Huh? Well I like music." He said nervously.

"Hmmm I like music too."

"I like noodles." He laughed a little more comfortable now. "I like it when it rains. I liked swimming in the ocean, back when we still could. I like my cello. I like..."

__

I like the way the sunlight falls across your face.

"I like dancing." She stated.

"I like dancing also." He smiled feeling brave, he made a move to place his arm around her. "I like my mother's name." He said without thinking and she turned to look at him.

"What is her name?" she asked and he let his arm fall, ashamed at trying to use his mother's memory to put the moves on a girl.

"Yui. Her name was Yui." He said sadly.

"Yui."

"I lost her when I was young."

"I never had a mother." She said thoughtfully. "All I have is the commander." The image of her dancing with him suddenly made him melancholy. "And you." 

He looked up at her and the bell rang.

***

She saw them walking towards the school form the direction of the make-out woods.

"Whoo I knew it Ikari does have sumthin for Ayanami!" Toji hooted over Asuka's shoulder.

"What? They're together? How'd a loser like him got the ice queen to melt?" one of the guys asked.

"It's the eva I tell ya!" Kensuke nodded pushing his eyeglasses up his nose. 

"Ey Asuka, wat's the word?" Toji said tapping her lightly on the shoulder.

"How the hell should I know." She spat. She sat resolutely at her desk, stubbornly refusing to look at the couple that entered the room amid all the catcalls.

***

Rei blushed redder than humanly possible.

"When's the wedding?" Kensuke laughed.

"What are you talking about?" Shinji asked, they had been in the classroom a total of three seconds and he had heard more pet names thrown at them than he had ever heard in his lifetime. 

"So that was where you disappeared to at the prom."

"Stop it!" he called feeling his own face turn scarlet at his discovery.

"Look at Ikari! He's blushing, they both are!"

"ooooh they're sweethearts!"

"You're an idiot!" he said sitting on his desk beside Asuka who alone did not join in the teasing.

"Ikari and Ayanami sitting in a tree..."

"Shut up Toji!" he spat turning in his seat in time to see Rei look at him puzzled before turning to go to her desk at the back. 

***

1600

She was standing before the bulletin board reading some of the announcements as the class began emptying. He stepped out to stand beside her amid kissing sounds made by leaving classmates. 

"Don't pay any attention to them." He said.

"Is that what we are?" she asked looking at him.

"What?" he asked caught off guard.

"Sweethearts?" she asked the word obviously alien to her.

"Not if you don't want us to be."

"Do you?"

"Shinji you idiot hurry up!" Asuka called from the end of the corridor.

***

They stopped at the intersection where Rei would usually turn. She looked at them.

"You can walk her to her room Shinji, I don't give a damn." Asuka said continuing on walking.

"That will not be necessary." She said turning. Shinji looked at the two girls, suddenly confused.

"Well you're unusually rude." He said jogging up next to Asuka.

"If you're trying to be funny don't. Maybe wonder girl with her nonexistent sense of humor can appreciate it more."

"Don't call her that."

"God you two are pathetic!" she said hastening her pace.

***

__

And you.

Shinji stared at the ceiling. What was he supposed to do now? After futilely trying to deduce an answer from the concrete roof of his room he sat up. When he was with her it was different, she made him feel like he actually mattered. 

His eyes wandered to the wilted corsage on his desk. What the hell was happening? Why couldn't he get her out of his mind? Why couldn't he stop thinking about her smile? Why was her smell always on his clothes? 

***

She looked up at him and almost choked on her beer. 

"Shinji-kun! Where you going?" Misato asked after his back.

"Out." He said shutting the door.

"Did my nose deceive me or was Shinji wearing cologne?" she asked the girl watching t.v.

"Probably going out on a date with wonder girl." She said.

"REALLLLLY? Rei and Shinji?" she laughed but the younger girl just shrugged. "And what are you jealous?"

"You're an idiot Misato." She said going to her room.

"Oooooh Ritsuko should hear this!" she giggled. "It seems our children aren't children anymore."

***

__

Hey I was in the neighborhood and I thought...nah

Hey I was thinking since you lived so near....

Hey what were the pages for our math....oh yeah I could have asked Asuka.

Hey you left...nothing I have nothing to return.

Hey wanna go out for a walk....

Hey wanna...what?

His hand stood poised above her doorbell. He had been there for almost fifteen minutes now. Suddenly he heard the lock click and he panicked, looking for somewhere to hide. She opened the door and looked at him. 

"Hey." He swallowed, she just looked at him. "I uh...I was wondering...uh math." He stopped. "I sound stupid, I just wanted to ask if you were doing anything tonight, I wanted to take you to this noodle place that I know."

***

"So what about you?"

"Hmmm?" 

"What do you like?" a silence fell between them. The night was cold and she had put on a black turleneck and jeans. Still her cheeks burned with the cold.

"I like..." he looked at her waiting for her to speak. "I'm not sure." 

"WHAT? Come on Ayanami surely there is something you like, you told me before you liked dancing."

"Rei."

"Huh?" he looked up from his noodles.

"I liked it when you called me Rei." She said. He slurped the noodle hanging from his mouth causing the sauce to spill all over his face. She let out a chuckle, a small one, almost imperceptible and she wiped the sauce from his face.

Amid the surprise of having the most beautiful girl in the entire school wipe the mess he made on his face and the feeling of her fingers against his cheek, Shinji Ikari blushed and realized that he was hearing her laugh for the first time. And he smiled.

"I like it when you laugh." He said.

***

"I like the snow." She said as he was walking her home. 

"Yeah it is wonderful isn't it?" he lifted his face and caught a snowflake on his tongue. Rei looked at him and did the same, sticking her tongue out as well. He looked at her amused.

"Shinji..." she whispered looking up at him. He jumped at the sound of his name in her voice.

"Yeah Rei?"

"Can you dance with me again?" she asked kind of shy. "Like before?" 

He ran to the middle of the road and smiled, he opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace timidly. They began swaying and she placed her chin on his shoulder. He closed his eyes resting his cheek on her head inhaling the smell of her hair. He felt her warm breath against his neck and unconsciously began rubbing her back.

"I like this." She said softly.

"Me too." He smiled as they made patterns on the snow gathering around them. 

***

"Get off the road you crazy kids!" the driver shouted as they scrambled back to the sidewalk as the honking died away.

"Come on its time I got you home." He said motioning toward the direction of her dorm. The rest of the walk passed by in silence. He could hear her breathe beside him and this was enough. They reached her door a little too early for him and the disappointment clearly showed on his face.

"So I guess this is goodbye." He said as they stood on the opposite sides of the open door. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He said beginning to turn away.

She leaned toward him to remove some snow from his head but he turned his face too abruptly and she ended up giving him her first kiss. They broke apart and looked at each other stunned.

"Uh Ayanami..." he said unsure. She felt her lips with her fingers where his touched. She brought her other hand up to his lips and felt the soft fold of skin. "I...I..." And Shinji Ikari ran.

***

He had left her abruptly a couple of moments ago. It would have seemed comical to see him run down the corridor as fast as he did but something else occupied Rei's thoughts. Something that perplexed her.

She closed the door and rested her back against it sinking to the floor. She moved her fingers against her lips once more and remembered how it felt like to have his lips on hers. And she smiled.

***

He leaned against the elevator. Looking up at the lights.

__

Man that was stupid....geez the girl probably thinks I'm an idiot now. But something told him she didn't.

__

Smooth move Ikari! Running out on a girl after she gave you your first kiss.

And he laughed

***

She yawned rubbing her eyes as she entered the kitchen. Misato's smile made her roll her eyes and plop down on her chair.

"What is this?" she asked looking doubtfully at the gray mass on her plate.

"That is oatmeal my dear." Misato winked.

"Isn't today bacon day?" she grumbled failing to extricate her spoon from the oatmeal. "Where is Shinji?" she asked giving up.

"He left already."

***

She stepped out of her room pausing to lock the door. She turned and stopped finding him leaning against the wall.

"Good morning." He smiled straightening. She turned around and started walking. 

"Uh...Ikari?" she asked not stopping to look at him.

"Yeah?" he frowned at the name she called him.

"Did what they say...uhm are we...?" he smiled and took her hand in his.

"Yeah Rei, we are." 

***

They entered the school together, her hand in his and as the class began teasing them she just exploded.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" she yelled standing in front of the new couple. "Do you have any idea how idiotic you both look?"

"What are you talking about Asuka?" he asked not letting go of Rei's hand.

"Coming in here holding hands making people believe something is going on when there isn't. Looking at each other with pathetic looks and complimenting each other's sad state! What are you trying to prove Shinji? Are you that stupid? Settling with a doll like wonder girl here?" the whole class was looking at them now.

Shinji had his fists clenched now, "Don't ever call her that Asuka!" he said through grit teeth. "I will not stand for it."

"You really are an idiot." She scoffed weakly bowing her head and smiling as she ran out of the room.

***

"I tell ya its better than a romance novel and they look so cute you should see it." Misato gossiped as Ritsuko continued organizing the files on her computer.

"Really? Well isn't this a surprise." She smiled. "Who would have thought."

"What I really want to know is who does Shinji really like." She sipped her coffee. Ritsuko looked at her seriously.

"This won't end well. You should tell him not to go further with this." 

"But they're just kids." She said shocked.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

***

She looked at herself in the mirror. Trying out different ways to smile, fixing her hair, tying it up. Then she just let it fall.

__

Stupid. You made me lose to her.

She had wanted to win him back to make him see that she was the far better choice. She wanted to show him she was prettier, sexier, that she was everything he ever wanted. But when he told him he would not stand for her insulting Rei she knew she would never win. Rei was everything he ever wanted.

She heard the bell ring and people started piling inside the bathroom. She heard her name called a couple of times but she didn't care. She just kept staring at her reflection waiting for them to leave her alone once more.

***

"Man Shinji how'd you get the ice queen to melt?" Kensuke asked with a mouthful of Shinji's lunch.

"What are you talking about?" 

"You have two girls fighting over you! What's your secret man?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said his eyes wandering over the faces in his class.

"What she like? Have you gotten...you know?" Kensuke asked his glasses fogging up.

"Shaddup Kensuke!" Toji said hitting him on the head with the blackboard eraser. "Leave Ikari alone ya goof!"

"Geez I was just asking." He said rubbing his new lump.

"I knew there was something happening between you two!" Toji grinned. "I'm happy for you man." 

"Thanks Toji."

"Now go get her." He winked pushing him out of the room.

"That lucky dog!" Kensuke said watching him leave.

"As pilots they don't have much do they? They take what they can get and try to make up for the rest of their lives. He isn't lucky Kensuke." Toji whispered sadly. 

***

He was walking behind her not really beside her. They had left the school when it was pretty obvious that Asuka wasn't going to walk with them. Since that day that she exploded in their classroom she has been avoiding them. Him most of all. He wanted to talk to her to try and make things right and apologize for whatever it is he did wrong but there never seems to be any time. He promised he would make it right.

"Why is she not with us?" Rei asked as they made their way across the busy market place, they were on their way to synch tests.

"I don't know where she is." He answered absently.

"Is she angry at us?" she was walking ahead of him so he couldn't really see her face but something in her voice seemed unsure.

"Listen I will talk to her, try to iron this out." She stopped and looked at him blankly. "It's ok we didn't do anything wrong." He said not really knowing what to say. All this week he's been walking her to school, he spent lunch period with her and sometimes when he walked her home he would stay over for hours not really doing anything just being with her.

And he had never really felt happier.

In the string of depressing moments that was his life, Shinji Ikari has never really found something worthwhile. His entire existence was a perpetual journey to find acceptance somewhere, anywhere and in her arms he suddenly found it. The world could cease existing now, because this was where he was supposed to be.

"I am sorry if..." he began apologizing, as was his wont when he didn't know what to do.

"Why are you sorry?" she asked. "There is nothing to be sorry about." She whispered watching his hand as she slowly held onto it. He smiled kissing the top of her head.

__

There really is nothing to be sorry about.

They continued walking and she suddenly stopped looking at the goldfish in the aquariums. Following one with her finger.

"They are like me." She whispered. 

"Do you want one?"

"It'll just die." She said walking away. Shinji stopped and walked over to one of the stalls, never taking his eyes off of her. She realized he was not following and she looked back. He ran to catch up with her and put something in her hand. She looked up at the thing puzzled. It was a goldfish balloon, its orange metallic skin glistening in the sunset. She looked at him and he had a stupid smile upon his face, like a child that found the penny everyone was looking for.

"Thank you." She whispered blushing, it seems she was saying that a lot since they met. He opened his arms and she fell perfectly into them, hitting Shinji on the face with the balloon as she did so.

***

Misato fought back a chuckle as she saw Rei enter the base with a goldfish balloon in her hand. Many brows were raised as the two showed their feelings for each other openly entering the facility holding hands.

"Hey Shinji-kun." Misato nudged him. "Don't I get a balloon too?" she pouted and laughed as the two blushed simultaneously.

Ritsuko frowned. "First children you're up." 

***

He left the changing area and entered the control booth as Rei made her way to the hangar. He looked around the room and saw Asuka leaning against the far wall. He reached for the abandoned balloon tying it behind Maya's chair. The occupant of the said chair looked at him quizzically, his only response was to smile sheepishly. 

He made his way to where Asuka was standing and he cleared his throat as she tried to turn away from him.

"I am sorry Asuka." He said low.

"You don't even know what you're sorry for." She said crossing her arms.

"If it will stop this bad mood of yours then I'll say whatever it is you want me to say." 

She turned to look at him, her eyes sad. _That is not what I want you to say._

"You're an idiot Shinji." She said turning away again.

"Are we friends now?" he said.

"Yeah we are." 

He tuned back to the screen watching as Rei concentrated on raising her sync ratio. Asuka turned to look at his back as he was hunched over Maya and smiled sadly.

***

She felt something tugged at her hair, she shrugged it off and concentrated. Again something tugged at her. She opened her eyes surveying the contents of the entry plug. What was it?

__

What are you doing?

Who are you?

What are you doing?

Who's there?

What are you doing?

Stop this show yourself!

He will die.

Who will die?

That boy.

Shinji?

You are not of his kind. 

Stop this.

Will you betray me child for this boy? 

Who are you?

Who do you believe I am?

Who are you?

Who am I?

"Lilith!" she breathed, suddenly she felt the steel walls of the entry plug close around her.

__

***

The test was going well, she was up to 90% when suddenly the levels began dropping rapidly. Shinji watched as the lights began blinking off and the siren exploded in his ears.

"What happened?' Misato asked.

"Eva pilot 1 has lost synch with...."

"I can see that! What the hell is happening to her?" she asked pointing to the screen where Rei seemed to be squirming in pain.

"She's panicking, her oxygen level is dropping, her heart rate is doubling, she can't keep this up, she'll collapse!"

"What is wrong!" Shinji screamed watching as Rei continued her struggle.

"I don't know!" Maya answered.

"What the hell!" he said pounding on the glass window that opened into the hangar.

"She's drowning." Maya whispered with dread through the incessant beeping of the monitors. They watched dumbfounded as Rei continued to convulse before their eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Shinji yelled.

"I...I..."

"Why is Ayanami acting like this she has never..." Ritsuko shook her head.

"Fuck this!" Shinji yelled as he pounded on the eject button. The entry plug began bleeding as it emptied its oxygenated water. Shinji ran downstairs and climbed up the railing as the hatch opened. 

She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over. 

"Ikari?" she asked breathless.

Shinji smiled _yeah baby I'm still here._ He held out his hand and helped her out of the cockpit. 

***

He stared up at the ceiling. He could still hear the splattering of the water in the shower. He closed his eyes, when he opened the hatch he was afraid, afraid that she would not be breathing on the other side. It was not the first time he had opened her entry plug for her, but something about this time made him nervous. As if something was with them on that hangar.

She hadn't spoken to him since. He walked her home after his test and she walked into the shower, leaving him standing in the doorway. He debated on whether he should leave but he didn't like the feeling he had that moment before she took his hand. Something didn't feel right and he wasn't leaving until he understood why.

He heard the splattering stop and he decided to keep his eyes closed knowing she would come out naked. After a minute or two he felt her crawl in beside him. He opened his eyes and wrapped an arm around her as she laid her head on his chest. 

"What happened back there?" he asked stroking her cheek.

"I miscalculated." She answered.

"I was afraid..."

"I would die?" she said looking up at him. "I'm not going to die."

"But you almost...I almost lost you." 

"I am not going to die." She said almost sadly. He breathed, if only he could speak that way. If only he could be so sure. And suddenly he felt vulnerable and suddenly dying wasn't so far away to him, and suddenly he no longer wanted to die. If he didn't give a damn before whether he would live or die, he did now. He wanted to live.

"Rei?" she looked up at him. "This is a war, we can die." She didn't answer she just stared at him. He took her chin in his hands and tilted her head closer toward him. 

"If I die tomorrow, please tell yourself that I love you." He whispered kissing her softly. He pulled back to see a look of sadness upon her face. Then she buried her head in his shoulder and he closed his eyes.

***

"It has come to my attention that there has been romantic relations between the two of you." He said as he looked down on the two children before him. "I must ask you to end your affair."

Shinji looked up at his father, his cold eyes hidden behind the red glasses. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked at Rei standing beside him, her hands tucked behind her back, her face blank.

"It will not be beneficial to both of you if this continues it is just a liability for when you are in combat." He finished.

"Who are you to say that?" he answered suddenly brave. "Who are you to tell us how to our lives!" he said taking a step forward. 

"We own your lives Shinji." He said.

"I cannot accept this!"

"You will end any relationships with each other, other than being co-pilots that is an order." He said menacingly.

They walked out of the commander's office in silence. He did not even look at her, he was so angry at NERV, at his father for making that order. He didn't see the look on Ayanami's face.

He stopped at the front door turning to look at her. She looked at him with strange eyes an empty look upon her face and as he reached out for her she stepped back. 

It was an order after all. 

She walked away from him then.

***

He entered the apartment pausing to remove his shoes.

"Hey Shinji what did the commander say?" Asuka asked looking up at him, Misato looked at him sadly.

"Nothing." He said not looking at her.

"Hey come on has it got something to do with why wonder girl messed up yesterday?" she laughed, Shinji stopped.

"Don't call her that!" he said not turning around.

"What?" she asked looking at Misato.

She frowned at her and walked over to Shinji's door. "Shinji, sweetheart do you want to talk about it?"

He didn't answer for a long time. He sat on his bed watching the moonrise. He looked back at the door knowing Misato was still standing outside.

"Just leave me alone."

***

He looked at her at the end of the room, alone once more. He wanted to sit beside her but she would just leave. He hated this. 

"Hey you and Ayanami broke up?" Toji asked sitting on his desk.

"I guess so."

"Man that wasn't even three weeks wuz it?" 

"No." he said looking at her once more.

"So whose fault was it?"

"Nobody's."

"Heard Ayanami dumped you man!" Kensuke said joining them.

"What?"

"She too much to handle?" he nudged him. "Did you get..."

"Fuck off Kensuke." Toji and Shinji said simultaneously.

Asuka walked in seating herself beside Shinji. She looked over to where Rei was sitting and she looked up at her, they held gazes for a moment before Asuka faced front once more.

***

"So I was saying that if you..." she was telling him something but he had stopped listening fifteen minutes ago. It was the last day of school before they would break for the holidays. They walked past the bazaar, Asuka stopped in one of the stalls trying on earrings. He skimmed the market place looking for something that would interest him when it started to snow once more. He caught some on his tongue as was his custom, letting the little flecks of ice fall on his face.

His mind shifted to the night where they had danced in the street. He smiled. He looked up and saw a little girl holding a goldfish balloon, the same one he had given her. The little girl smiled at him. 

"Hey Shinji you think this looks good on me?" she turned around and saw that he was no where to be found. She stepped out of the stall and searched the market place for any sign of him but he wasn't there.

***

He ran up to the school, watching as it emptied itself of its occupants. He looked up at their classroom knowing she had cleanup duty that day. He thought about what he was going to do, thinking if it was fair to Rei. His eyes shifted to that window where they had looked out of when he asked her to take a walk with him and knew he just had to say it, no matter what would happen he had to tell her. 

He was walking along the basketball court still looking up at that single patch of glass when he heard his name.

"Shinji." She called. He turned around to see her on the other side of the wire fence. He jogged up to her. "Didn't you leave already?" 

"I can't leave just yet." He said lacking his fingers inside the diamond spaces the wires made. She turned around to leave indicating she did not want to be there. "Rei wait please." He begged. She stopped her back turned to him.

"What is it?" she asked her voice emotionless. 

"I...." He bowed his head. She didn't even turn around to face him. _What the hell am I doing here? _

"I love you Rei." He whispered barely audible. "I love you and no order will ever change that." If he looked up at that moment he would have seen her shoulders sag.

"I am saying this because I might not be here tomorrow. We are at war, and we will die. I do not have the belief in my ability as you do and I do not deceive myself in pretending things will turn out differently, because it won't. I don't want to die." He said looking up at her. "I do not fear what will become of me but I do regret what I would leave behind."

She looked up for a moment watching as the snowflakes danced. And a silence separated them. She stuck her tongue out and caught one, he smiled at the familiar display.

"Regrets will never bring anything back." she said before walking away.

He watched her back disappear from his vision. Watching her until she was completely swallowed by the horizon, his hand still on the wire fence, his confession still warm on his lips, his heart still breaking. He thought he could win, but it seems Rei Ayanami would never disobey an order. Not even for him.

***

He looked up at the single spot of light in their building. It was late and he knew Misato threw a Christmas-break party. He knew he was expected to be there three hours ago. He knew all of his friends would be there. He knew he should be happy.

__

God I feel like shit.

He climbed the stairs wanting to just bury himself in his bed and forget that the world existed. After being dragged into the room of drunk under-aged persons and military personnel and after being forced to down four beers he found himself on the balcony, drowning out the noise coming from the inside. He took another swig of his fifth beer, not really feeling anything from the neck down and raised the can in salute to the fair city he protected.

"Here's to you and the lives you claim. Merry fucking Christmas." 

He wrapped his arms around himself trying vainly to keep warm and passed out. 

***

He opened his eyes to see her over him, her head was bent and he followed her vision to his hands. They were sandwiched between hers in an attempt to keep them warm.

"I am not this drunk!" He slurred watching as she looked up, her gaze meeting his. She helped him up and looked at him strangely. 

"I too do not wish to regret." She whispered feeling his face with her hand. He enveloped her in his embrace, memorizing every detail and pressed his lips against hers. 

And he held her again, amid the falling snowflakes.

***

The sixteenth angel had attacked. She had to keep it at bay until the others came. She saw the ribbon of light in her hands feeling it begin its assault. Where was her back up? 

Her body screamed as the pain began to eat its way up her leg. She could feel it invading her inside.

__

Is this what dying feels like?

Where was her back up?

She knew the Eva 02 had been launched. She couldn't hold on much longer. Where was her back up? 

Unit 01 launched. 

She saw the words, she saw the tower of violet on the horizon, moving toward her, coming to save her. 

"My heart wants to be one with Ikari?" she watched as his face blinked on the screen. He was saying something but she could no longer hear him.

__

I want to dance with him one last time. I want to be held by him one last time.

Her fingers wrapped around the lever that would make her Eva self-destruct. Tomorrow another would take her place. Tomorrow perhaps she will be the one in his arms. 

She felt something streak across her cheek. Something warm and she opened her eyes as she felt it pool at her thigh. She was crying. 

She was crying. 

__

Will you betray me child for this boy? A voice echoed in her head, telling her not to pull that switch, urging her to live.

__

...tell yourself I love you.

She looked at his face on the monitor as the pain in her neck exploded. She saw the pain in his eyes and knew the danger he was in. And she made the only decision she could.

__

I love you too Shinji.

And she closed her eyes.

End

Notes: I wanted to make this longer what happened after and ending with why he chose Asuka in the end but it sounded nice ending here. 

Sorry I sort of bashed Asuka a little, but it wouldn't be fun if there was no antagonist. Sorry to all Asuka fans but this is after all a Rei/Shinji fic, let me get away with it just this once?


End file.
